NUTS!
As this blog is really directed as my musings and not really for anyone but me I am about to issue a warning. Prepare yourself for TMI.
Civility sweet civility. I am sitting at my desk at 7:02 AM, about an hour before work begins sipping on a Bentley raspberry tea made in my own Mr. Coffee, in my own office dressed in my Xmas argyle sweater, linen trousers, silk underwear, comfortable shoes. Ahhh! Sweet quiet and civility. Last night was a little off. Ellen made Spaghetti and we both threw up. Then I consumed 99% of a can of pistachio nuts. They have protein so I guess I am covered, but I should not do that. I felt over stuffed when I was finished. I am becoming quite a tea drinker as of late. I love hot tea these days.
I guess I did not get Eric out of my system yesterday. As my thoughts are returning to him. Eric is the nicest guy who ever ran a junk food crack den. He would do anything for anyone. I am concerned for his financial future. When we went over to the office yesterday it was a hell of a mess, and in my opinion not suitable for seeing clients. I know he was aiming for a look more like the Mountain Lakes office and with the amount of stuff he has in the bullpen, it just is not happening. They are in a state of flux moving from the apartment to the house, and stuff needs to go somewhere, but that is most likely not the place for it. He needs to retain an image, and that office is not the image he needs to retain. I know he has one hell of an outstanding nut out there and I am not sure what I can do to help him. He saw what I went through with the business and here he is to some degree following a similar path. Right now he has the advantages, he needs to make use of them. Clean up the car to take clients to show houses, clean up the office to meet clients, and lay off the junk food, before the surgery was a waste of time. I know these are big words for for me as I have the same faults.
I suppose there is nothing to do but wait and see and be there for him if the worst happens. I do not hope for that, but a friend can only be a friend if he is in need. Right now Eric is on the top of the world. I just hope he can stay there. As for me I need to get to work.
They Are Soooooo Tight......
Saturday morning I went to the GP and he gave me the once over. He is happy with the BP, Agrees that I need to cast my fears away about gout and go for the protein, and is very happy with the weight loss. He told me to use lotion with the itchy skin that I have left. I did weigh myself oh his scale with room to spare. It was a bit anti-climatic. I was really happy that I could do it, Louis (My GP) seemed less than impressed. I guess I have been seeing him for many years and we have a very casual relationship.
So the time finally came and I needed to go clothes shopping. I put on my tightest suit to go to a memorial service, on Saturday and there was no keeping the pants up. I had to wear suspenders or I would loose the pants all day long. Even with the suspenders, they were much too big. So I went to my favorite BIG and FAT store to acquire more clothes. Now there is this really hot girl there who is the owners daughter. She has always made my head swim. She also has fantastic taste. Whatever she recommends I always look like a million bucks in. Thanks to her I probably have a thousand dollar wardrobe in size 60 - 62. Anyway she knows I am loosing weight at quite a rate and is squeezing me into size 52 pants. They are tight, but they work, with some pocket pull. A sweater over would hide the pull and as I get thinner they will last longer before I start loosing them. I guess my bitch is that I worked hard and went through a lot to get out of tight pants, and here I am back into them. I know it sounds irrational but that is how I felt.
I went grocery shopping with Ellen on Sunday. I hate going shopping, I get to isle 3 and it just hurts to keep going, my back and legs are just not happy. One thing I learned is the quality of the food we eat has gone up and so even though I am eating much less I we are purchasing more expensive food. So we are now spending more on food than before, even though the quantity is less.
I say this so rarely but it needs to be said. I had the best meal ever last night. Our friends Burt and Aki had us over for dinner, and I had the best roast beef I have ever had. Soooooo Tender, and nothing got stuck. I was full in no time but that's ok. I are right, and healthy. I bit too much salt on my radishes, but I love radish with a sprinkling of salt on it, they are SO GOOD. Anyway the weekend was over before I knew it, and it was back to work.
Magic Bullet (Actual Size)
This is not a suppository...
Today is Tuesday January 6th 2009 at 7:25 am and I am back down to 332. I did go up a bit and when I weighed in at the GP I was 337 on his scale. I do have a really accurate digital freight scale I paid $300.00 for a couple of years ago that goes up to 425 pounds, and he is sporting an upright health-o-meter old school balance scale. So I am betting that mine is most likely more accurate. Truth be known as long as it read below 350 I would have been happy!
Speaking of happy.... or not. Ellen came home really angry last night. She had a fight with Zach from leaving the door open in January, and letting the heat out. She was pretty mad. I think our evening out with friends helped some. She seemed cheery enough when we got back home, and found the heat turned off. Then she was not so cheery...
Yesterday I went back on protein. I did the Magic Bullet and I must say that by the end of the day I felt much better. I felt stronger, and more powerful, and did not have leg cramps. Here is another side effect: It made me feel really frisky. This is a problem in my life. I don't know if it was something chemical in the protein, or because I felt so much better, or exactly what the reason was, but I was sure feeling it yesterday, and Ellen was not to be persuaded. Perhaps I need to take up knitting, as sleep did not come easy. Also I woke up with back spasms about 1:30 am and don't know why, but boy! they hurt. Someone might have a voodoo doll of me somewhere with pins in the back.
We went out to dinner at the diner last night and I ordered my favorite, prime rib. I got an English cut (Thin) and ate a about a third of what they brought me. I snacked throughout on green beans. They have protein, and I don't think green beans will hurt me in any way. Then we went back home. Zach was out at Laura and Leslie's (My Brother's house) and it was cold in the house. Zach turned the heat down, and somehow he turned it off. So we went to bed under the comforters and watched TV. Dinner sat well with me so I should be able to do that again someday.
I guess that's it for today's blog. Same Bat time, same Bat channel!
More about aches and pains...
The surgery itself is not really painful. All surgery has it's issues but to be frank the actual surgery itself just did not hurt me very much. The gout attack, was much worse than the surgical pain. This is not the aches and pains I really wanted to cover here, but those aches and pains that almost all obese people have and need to deal with on a daily basis. When we speak of getting the surgery friends and family and even Doctors will tell us: "Think about how much better you will feel without that weight on your" (back, hip, knee, or anything else.) I am here to tell you 70 pounds lighter that I still have all of my aches and pains and a few new ones to boot! Now I have spent a lot of my life in pain, and frankly I am not really one to wine and cry about day to day pain from being fat. But for these people to think that just because you loose the weight that by some miracle that the joints will than heal themselves, need to rethink the reason you are getting major surgery. Of course loosing the weight will slow down the damage you are doing to these joints, but this is not a "I won't hurt anymore after this surgery." kind of thing. So if you are reasoning out in your head as to weather to get the surgery or not, keep this experience in mind. It was a huge factor in my mind, when opting to get the surgery, and I should have not let it influence me so much.
Being a slacker...
I am a slacker I guess. It really has been a couple of days since I have seen a scale, but at this point I am sure I have not gained anything in the matter of excess weight. I think I really understand the importance of protein. I was run down enough that when I started taking the protein Magic Bullets I felt SO MUCH better! Now that I have exhausted my supply I am feeling run down. Ellen sent some shakes and Soy Milk in with me. I will see where that goes and how it works.
We went out to OES last night and we were out late. Everyone seems interested in my weight loss and I have found I like to talk about it. I think weight loss has become a national obsession as of late, and everyone needs and wants to loose weight. However... The economy is in the dumpster, everyone is worried, and nobody is happy. That is not exactly the environment to stimulate weight loss. "Hey you should loose some weight." "Her I will have no place to live in a month, I have larger issues to worry about." If the new Surgeon General CNN dude Dr. Sanjay Gupta wants to address obesity, he should be working with the Obama team to fix the economy then we might be in the mood to loose weight. Hey He wanted the job now he has it after (Jan 19) so lets get to work on it. Bush should just put into play any of Obama's projects and let's get a move on here.
Ever read the book My Big Fat Greek Diet by Dr. Nick Yphantides? I have. I loved it. I think it should be a must read for anyone looking to loose weight. I think it is because instead of being one of those normal thin people squawking "You must loose weight, it is a real guy who was not only fat, but 467 pounds fat. He then got thin going through the day to day struggles that we all do. He is not a "do as I say not as I do kind of guy". He is a "do as I do kind of guy." I am thinking of re-reading it again soon. It is not about Gastric Bypass, but it is about one mans struggle to loose a lot of weight, and change his lifestyle in the process. No not everyone can duplicate his method, but I applaud his journey and can be virtually sitting there next to him when he speaks of his experiences. Check out the website at www.healthsteward.com Here is a prime example: Andrew Dice Clay http://andrewdiceclay.com/ is coming to Sparta NJ to do a show. Say what you want about The Diceman but I at one time in my life thought he was funny with his rewritten adult slanted nursery rhymes. Funny enough to grab one of my buddies and go see the show. I won't really go though, because:
1. Am I going to fit in the seat?
2. Am I going to be comfortable in the venue?
3. Am I going to be able to walk from the car, to the door, to my seat, and back to the car?
Yeah, I have lost a lot of weight already, but I am still 332 Pounds, by definition still morbidly obese. So, Airline seats are still not big enough, Theater seats are not comfy, (But workable) I have very low self esteem, and I have to realize I am a work in progress, but I am just not there yet. I get that from My Big Fat Greek Diet, and most important it has a happy ending and it goes on being happy. Check it out you will love it.
Ellen in a picture a couple of years ago, and around the weight she is now. Actually I think she is currently thinner than this.
Ellen about a year or two before the surgery.
I went back to teach school last evening and as per usual I was the star of the show! The women there wanted to know all about the progress and I did tell them about the page here. So here is a shout out to the ladies at MTCI!
I enjoy speaking about weight loss surgery and I get a lot of email from people who read the blog concerning their questions. I am glad I can help! I want to mention that I am no substitute for a surgeon. He knows it all, but if you feel more comfortable speaking to someone who has no medical background, I can help! Once again I would like to recommend the book, Weight Loss Surgery For Dummies. it is a must read. it answers almost everything from how to get insurance to pay for the procedure, through the plastic surgery that may be necessary afterwards.
In the vein of helping others, this morning I got an email from a young lady who is concerned about loss of desire after the surgery. I know from being in my online support group gastric bypass losers on yahoo groups, that she is not alone. Lot's of women go through this, but the men seem less likely to admit it. I explained that it does not affect all women, it is hormonal in the way your body is reacting to both the weight loss and your new nutrition, (Lack of protein I think) and even better if you let yourself get talked into the act, it will be as good and even better than it was before! The problem is getting talked into it. A lot of time it can be reduced to "One more thing I have to do." Try not to let it get to that, or make it a "Let's make a deal" thing. "Well if you help me more, I will put out." Just be cognizant that you have a desire loss and when it is brought up, that you are open to the suggestion, and if it happens you will most likely enjoy it. Sex should be spontaneous, romantic, fun, and above all as the sign of love that it is carry no conditions. In the works of the poet: "Love is patience, understanding, love lets little thoughts go by unseen, if love is giving, and not demanding, then nothing big or small can come between." Let your sex life be the same way, and above all never have sex unless you are really in love with your partner.
There is one thing to keep in mind, and that is the fertility thing. Often with weight loss surgery men become more potent, and women become more fertile. These are some issues you may need to know about since if both of you have been overweight you may not have been using birth control for some time. A lot of folks do not want to begin a new family at 50 so perhaps you want to think about some form of birth control. My surgeon recommends two forms. All I am asking is that don't wrap you head around abstinence being one of them as long as you are married, and were active previously. You have a new body, you earned it. go have fun with it! You don't spend $39,000 for a new car and then never remove it from the garage!
Well the above will most likely get me divorced, as my wife Ellen is always embarrassed by the blog, and I am sure with me discussing somebody else's sex life will do that again today. So I will finish myself off with this entry: Everyone that reads the blog wants a picture of Ellen. I heard it twice this morning, and three times last night at school. I will post here a picture of Ellen around her current weight, and will try to talk her into a few more pictures this weekend so she can choose the one she likes. Ellen is rather shy and quiet. She is really quite beautiful and never wants to admit it. It is her image after all and she should have the final say as to it's use. I do have a couple of pictures on the site already that I can show you.
Ellen Lookin HOT,
and buying new clothes!
For The Ellen Fans...
So today is Monday January 12th and I did get on a scale yesterday and I weighed in at 327.5 Today I am wearing a size 50 Dockers and that is down from a size 62. So that is 12 inches, and 75 and a half pounds since November third 2008.
For all of you Ellen fans who have been writing in, I went shopping with Ellen yesterday, and here she is over 50 pounds lighter in a size 16, down from a 22-24. I have to say she is looking HOT! Better yet she felt she looked HOT! and that marks the first time I have ever heard her describe herself that way. It is about time in our lives that she is beginning to see what the rest of the world sees. BTW, she is wearing this outfit today. (Sans the socks, and once at work she is sporting boots to go with this ensemble.) I am sorry about the picture quality, as it is off of my cell phone. So anyway, you can all stop writing in to me and asking for Ellen pictures as the last three are her. (That most likely will not stop you.)
To the woman who wrote in saying she is 5 weeks post op and she has not lost weight for a week and is in a panic: Just stop and take a breath. It is ok, your body is trying to adjust to your new eating habits. It will come off, as it has no choice, but when is another story. Stop weighing yourself so much and get on with daily life. Before you know it you will drop 10 pounds in another week and things will balance out. It is important to realize that this in normal, and it is covered in WLS for Dummies. Get the book and RTDM! (Read The Damm Manual) it will help.
To the man who is worried about the lack of desire in his wife: Don't sweat this, As I understand this it is temporary. although I have no personal experience on this area yet. It is not that you are unattractive to her with her new body, She is not going to run out and find someone new, and if she is there is nothing you could do about it anyway. If she knew you felt that way it would make her sad. Just go with the flow, it will come back. As for her suggestion that if you did the dishes and cooked the meals from now on she would be more in the mood. I don't think I would want to go down that road, and not for obvious reasons. When the physical act of love between two people is lowered to "Lets Make A Deal" as I like to call it, it cheapens the gift of love. Each time you do the dishes and cook you are going to expect sex. (You are a guy, don't tell me you won't) and the first time that doesn't happen you are going to be mad and an argument about something completely unrelated will arise, because she now feels like a hooker, and you feel like a john, trading sex for household help. Help around the hose when time allows, because you should pitch in. Hopefully (Speaking from some experience here) next time you need help she will help even if she has NO interest in the outcome. (Fixing computers, car repairs, deck building, snow shoveling, or whatever.
I really did not mean for this blog to become a dear abby type of thing, but a lot of times someone goes through gastric bypass and starts a blog. That is nice but it becomes weekly, then monthly then it sits there forever untouched. At that point readers wonder if you are really there and when they fin someone who is they love to ask questions. the blog is getting about 300 hits per day on average and I get about 10 emails a day. Some of them are just saying good job and thanks, but some are asking real serious questions. Those I feel need referencing I do here. Gastric Bypass is a good thing. Loosing weight and getting healthy is a great thing. Being happy with you soul mate is the best thing of all and I have to say the divorce rates among WLS patients is staggering. Getting healthy is great, but you have to maintain your personal happiness too. If you are not personally happy looking great doesn't mean crap.
In the mean time if you want to keep writing in feel free, my email is at the top of the page.
Ever see a Doctor Fish?
He is a Famous Sturgeon!
I'm not a tuna...
Ok, just to clear the air, I am not a doctor, and I never claimed to be. I am just a guy who went through gastric bypass in November. My wife did the same thing on the same date. That doesn't qualify me to give advice that you should be asking your surgeon. I am not holding out on you, you just need to ask him. In addition:
- I am sorry your incisions hurt.
- I am sorry you miss food.
- I am sorry you ate a tuna on rye 5 days after your surgery, when clearly your Doctor would not have approved.
- I am sorry you miss chicken McNuggets and large fries, and in that same vein,
- I know you used to eat 2 Big Mack, extra value meals, but you can't do that anymore.
- I am sorry you wife no longer puts out and you life is not worth living anymore.
Get a grip here people, and I have my own problems, so stop complaining to me that I did not give you a solution you are not happy with. If you used to eat 2 Big Mack extra value meals and now you are complaining that you can't eat one, and that disturbs you on some plane, you need to take a look at why you were eating 2 Big Mack extra value meals, and deal with that instead of the disappointment that you can't eat just one now. See your Doctor, See a psychiatrist, but don't keep writing me about it. I can't help you with that. I get you want to share experiences, and that everyone deals with this operation differently. But just because something happened to me doesn't mean it will happen to you. Just because it happened to you doesn't mean it will happen to me. Don't take this blog as gospel, Buy the book WLS for dummies, and always when in doubt, call your doctor!
Now back to our regularly scheduled blog.
Bitch, Bitch, Bitch....
It is Wednesday January 14 2009 and I am down to 326.5. Weight is not coming off as fast as before but still coming down so I am enjoying it. I can't wait to exercise! I want to find a nice warm pool and swim swim swim. I am already wishing for summer so I can go walking in our pool at night and swim laps. I really wish finances allowed for a Y membership. I would swim my pants off. I love to swim, it is by far my favorite exercise. If I ever make it financially one day I will have a swim spa, so I can swim forever! That will tone up any loose skin I have for sure. Ever see a swimmers 6 pack? That is what I am aiming for.
For the last couple of days I have been wearing clothes that fit. They look much better than the baggy ones, but looking good has lost it's shine for me. I am never was REALLY concerned with what I looked line, so much as how others saw me. It seems that others don't care anyway, so now it's back to me. Others seemed concerned with How much money did you make me today? How much can you do for me? When can you fix my PC? Everyone around me these days is angry. I feel a huge amount of everyone else and no George and I am not dealing well with it. Call me selfish if you want but who wants to live this way with everyone around you demanding things. (That's not you Ellen before you take blame upon yourself for something that has nothing to do with you) (Ellen is a self nominated martyr and she will immediately think I am talking about her.)
I guess I have bitched enough and I will go back to work now.
Big Mack Extra Value Meal is not allowed on George's Gastric Bypass Diet. It just can't physically be eaten and should not be part of your goals. Say away from this!!!!
Back to the Big Mack Again.....
I am back, it is January 15th 2008 and it is COLD outside. It is going to be even colder tomorrow. I think it will warm up into the 30s next week. Down another 1/2 pound yesterday. I received a couple of emails from loyal blog followers yesterday with a couple of concerns I want to address.
1. Yes Ellen and I went through this together on the same day, and this might have scared some people. We discussed this at length with the Doctor, and he felt it was ok to do this. He was not crazy about it but it was fine with him medically. He was sure that nothing was going to happen. and although he could not say that for insurance reasons, he conveyed it by his confidence and manor. If we thought for a minute that this was going to be a problem we would not have done it. We felt perfectly save, so it was ok. I am sorry if you were frightened, but you need not have been, it was fine.
2. Concerning the Big Mack question from yesterday (Yes, I guess I need to rehash that again) people are asking: What can you eat? and How much can you eat? These are both good questions, and although we really have no restrictions, there are some things you just don't want to get involved with. Anything with either high fat or sugar are issues. These can come back up or cause dumping. Coming back up is not as bad as it sounds. You do not have a lot of stomach left to empty, so the throwing up is not as bad as it seems but there is not any better description to put a name to the act. Dumping is another matter. I now get where the name dumping comes from. It is the emptying of the pouch into the small intestines all at once. It is not what most people think of it as. The problem is with all that food in the small intestines, you body needs to expedite the process of getting that nourishment to all of your body parts right away. So your pulse goes up, sweating lightheadedness, and of course since everything else is on the express train so is the foods exit. Not pretty. As far as what you can eat goes, you also want to stay away from anything that you can't mash into a paste like substance before swallowing. So a hero type sandwich is not the best choice. As for how much do I eat? Ok. yesterday I consumed: A pint of hot and sour soup from the local Chinese place, 3 chicken nuggets from Cluck U, a piece and a half of meatloaf measuring 3/4 inch think by three inches long by 1 1/2 inches high. and a 1 1/2 serving spoons of corn. These was three 20 oz bottles of Iced tea consumed during the day as well. All in all I am thinking about 350 calories. That is most likely about 1 10/th of what I usually used to eat.
Ready to take a chance again....
So on the fifth of February I am going to see Barry Manilow. He is coming to Scranton and he is Ellen's favorite personality. I hope I do not have the issues I was worried about above with the Dice concert, especially since Ellen purchased tickets that were not on as isle. I am sweating this, and hope it will be all right. I would love to see Ellen at a Barry concert. She gets real exited and loves his music. I have always loved making Ellen happy. My excitement builds off of hers, and my happiness builds off of her happiness. Plus the fact if Ellen is not happy, nobody is happy! It should be great! I like Barry music too. If I am alone in the car and on a long trip like the time I went to the sleep center by my self I want to listed to him loud, and sing along. Maybe his music can make me feel better, but I am still sweating the seating. I am not the size I used to be but I am not 100 pounds either. I don't want the embarrassment of not fitting in the seat, and crowding the people on either side of me, or not being able to get up if I need to.
It is really cold here today 0 Degrees according to the bank's sign on the way to work. It is supposed to warm up here (Into the 20s and 30s) next week. I can't wait. I was supposed to go the motorcycle show this weekend with Jeff, Zach, and the gang, but with homework and the rest of the schedule, it just is not going to happen. I will be home Sunday plugging away and helping around the house on breaks cleaning up and taking down Xmas decor.
I lost another pound and weigh in at 325.5 at this point. I really need to be careful as to my food choices at this point. I came home the last two days and took a handful of Potato Chips. I can't weight until they are gone. Open and handy they call to me. There are not many left so they should not last much longer. Last night we had subway for dinner and I had 1/2 of a cheese steak with sweet peppers, and pickles. I did not eat all of the roll (Flatbread) (2 Bites) I still don't do Cold Cuts well, they are hard to chew completely, but nothing got stuck, and hasn't now for a week. In that thought I have been choosing foods more carefully to pick those that go down easier. It has been a while since I have needed to throw up so I guess things are good in that respect.
It seems I have started a diet revolution here at the company. Fred picked up a WII Fit, Angela is on a diet, Alexa is always on a diet to maintain that super figure of hers. Jody is complaining about her weight, and Laura is slimming down as well. Everyone wants to loose weight and get healthy, and that is not a bad thing to inspire. I just wish I wasn't so depressed. I know that depression comes from WLS and it is normal. It is ok if you recognize it and keep it in check, but I was telling Ellen last night I don't even want to be around me anymore! Angela is smacking me around and telling me to snap out of it. I have to do something to break the pattern.
See Ya Monday....
Superman For President...
Its Monday January 19th 2009 and it is a Happy MLK day! Tomorrow the good Doctor's dream will come true when the first African American is inaugurated into the White House. Over the last 10 years racism as a problem has dropped in the American mindset, and really in my experience racism is a state of mind. I and I hope everyone else is too busy trying to make a living to worry about racism. Do your best to be all you can be and racism will be a footnote in history. There will come a time when studying history when someone will say: "Oh yeah there was a time where not everyone got along." I will say I was being operated on during the election, so I was not cognizant of the outcome until afterward, but if you voted Republican this past November, now is the time for everyone to work as a team, stop the us-them crap and work out a way to end our spiral to 10% unemployment, and a poor economy. We need to grasp the idea that no matter who you are and what your political leanings we need to embrace the quote: "Ask not what your country can do for you... but ask what you can do for your country." He may be Superman, He may be all about change, and I might be the last to say change is good, but one thing is for sure, he can't do it alone. We ALL need to be on team America.
To George W. Bush, Happy retirement. I hope it is filled with warm evenings, and happy memories of your political career. I think that once all is said and done history will look fondly upon this president. He did a lot of good things while he was in office. Every coffee shop I was in when we went to war was all for him finishing his fathers work in the first Golf War. Once the tide had changed then they all walked out on him. But I think he will be remembered for his leadership during 9-11, and keeping the the county safe during his rein. We as humans tend to try to remember the positives and not the negatives. This would be a good time to do just that.
I hope you will spend your MLK day doing exactly what the holiday was intended for: Service to your fellow man. Take the time to pay it forward, it will repay you many fold in the end.
Doug and GI-Joe, Real American Heroes
Hero's are in the eye of the beholder.....
Today the nation seems like it is on fire! Everyone who is anyone is gathering around Washington DC for the inauguration. How much change can we stand or afford is the question on my mind. It is Tuesday January 20th 2008 and I weighed in at 325 this morning down a solid 78 pounds. Weight loss has slowed and I am thinking it is a comfortable weight loss now. I wish I had been able to break 300 before this but that is fine I will take what I can get.
We have had a lot of snow here! I keep telling everyone it will never be green again. Last night as I left work it was snowing again. Soon I will be dreaming of a white July 4th. Last night we had my brothers family over. Nothing cheers me more than visiting with family. I love my sister-in-law. When I was really young and foolish I gave her a really hard time. It seemed when they decided to get married, he (Doug) did not have a lot of time for me, and rightfully so. See he had just come out of the army, he was big and strong, defending our country every day, and yet came home to see me every weekend. Now he was home and he only had eyes for the girl with "the big beautiful brown eyes" (I think that is a direct quote) This was a time of GI-Joe and it seemed not only I, but everyone saw Doug as a national hero (The even made GI-Joe action figures that looked like him). He was everything I wanted to be and here was this woman taking him away. He was not around for a lot of holidays and such and it was a real problem to me. (Keep in mind that I was 11 at this point and 11 year olds have a rather idyllic look at life.) As time went on, I grew up, escaped my nutty family, (Don't we all have nutty family's?) and began to understand trying to balance live between two people and their traditions. It was not easy on them and certainly pressure from an 11 year old did not help. I am always sorry I put Pam through so much hell, but she survived and I think we are closer now than we ever were. Pam needs a few more nights off where she doesn't have to fret over dinner and everything. I hope she takes Ellen up on her offer to let her host dinner for her and the girls more often. She it trying to take care of her whole family (Parents and all) seemingly single-handedly with some help from her siblings but most of the work seems to fall on her. So who is the hero now? Webster's defines a hero or heroine as a man (or woman) admired for his (or her) achievements and noble qualities or one that shows great courage. I think Pam does just that. she stands above the rest battling health issues, weight, and most likely sleep apnea so she is exhausted all the time. As Will Rodgers once said: "It is well that we can't all be heroes, as some of us must stand and clap as they go by." Right now I might be the only one clapping, but I hope she can hear me.
I am going to cut this short as I have a busy day ahead of me and need to get started on it. Until Tomorrow!
Boo!
Boo!
Boo!
Disappointment...
Sadly today January 21st 2009, the day after the inauguration, I am a bit disappointed in some of the people of the United States. When then President Bush was climbing the stairs to perform the power handover ceremony to our new President Barack Obama, a bunch of people booed. They also sang the yeah yeah goodbye song as they departed. To these people, the Democrats won the election, now grow up. Be a better person and if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all. Our grandmothers all taught us that. Just because the Democrats won the election, doesn't give you the right to disrespect the office. You don't like the man, fine. But he is the president, and while I am an American, I am not going to be happy with you if you disrespect the office. This is the message of our new president. We need to dash the separations. We waste to much energy on Republican and Democrat, Black and White, Asian and Latino, Arab, and European, who gives a crap? That is the message of our new President in a nutshell, we have more important things to worry about, like working together to get the country back on it's feet. Is it REALLY Bush's fault that over 5% of the people who own homes decided to stop paying their mortgage, and send the economy into a downward spiral? Is it really Bushes fault that Madoff screwed America with his Ponzi scheme? Is it really Bushes fault that the CIA lied to both him and the rest of the country about WMD in Iraq and sent us to war? No. none of the problems you are dealing with right now is directly his fault, and if you were in office you might have made even stupider decisions than you charge him with having made. Until you can run for that office and prove me different, then I will keep this stand and fight for it to the end.
Other than that for today I got nothing....
The surgery givith and the surgery taketh away This week it took way two more pounds. I love being me! By the way, NU Weetie! (Ellen knows what that means) She and I have pet names for each other and have since we started dating. We call each other "weetie" Kind of a shortening of sweetie. I will declare here in print that we are the original weetie, not some weetie come lately. Things are going banging this week and I am really beginning to enjoy my progressing slimness. Last night we went to Wendy's and I had a Jr. Cheeseburger, Value Fries (Like the kids meal size) and a light lemonade. 480 calories and 17 grams of protein. Ok, I need to get more protein and less fries, but it felt great to actually eat what normal people eat. I can be human again. This works for me, for if you recall I used to eat two tripples at a time.
I got more homework done last night before going to our OES meeting and that went well. Home by 11:30 and then off to bed. I woke up refreshed and off to work. That was my night and I hope yours went equally well.
?
Questions...
I was asked Wednesday night in N, by a nice guy named Burt (Who knows every two whatevers walk into a bar joke) if I miss the food. That is a tough question really. Food that is used for nourishment in a strict fuel / energy sense is not missed at all. I am not hungry hand have not been since November. I do miss the social aspect of going out to eat with friends, but I feel that is a more economic reason that that of not being able to eat as much. Comfort food, during hard times is missed, but I am trying to battle that. I know if I do not when I am able to eat more and more that will end up putting me right back where I was. That is the danger of this surgery. You forget over time the pain and discomfort you went through. As humans we like to remember the good times and forget the bad. How many people when they see someone regain weight say How could he / she do that to themselves, once thin, how could they let themselves get fat once more. The inside arrangement of your digestive system had changed, but your mind has not. In all but 10% of the overweight population, the mind is what makes you fat. You eat because you want to, and a mind that wants to do something compulsive, is a tough adversary. When you are in danger, a self defense tool kicks in, but overeating is like killing yourself softly. Somehow you do not think of yourself as threatened or in danger. If you do not consciously make a decision to get thin and stay thin than it will not happen automatically. Fitness is a habit, and one you need to groom.
Another dear reader asked me yesterday about food still getting stuck. It does and it is a painful reminder of falling into bad habits that you used to be in. It is a slap in the hand for reaching into the no-no jar. I have a feeling that to some degree this is something I will be living with for quite a while if not forever. That's ok. It panics some people around me, but frankly the jab in the ribs is not such a bad thing.
The third question come in via email from of all places Walla Walla Washington. A shout out to Sindi here (Yes that is the correct spelling) who asks about her friend who had the surgery to help her back pain. She now has more pain than ever. Again I have to put the warning here I am not a doctor. But when you are changing your weight, you walk differently. When you walk differently your back is not used to that and it is going to complain. As I understand from speaking to others, it is temporary.
That's all for now.
Rob, Read the Jon Stewart Book, and talk to Scott Peeterson
No political purpose
In the News...
It is Monday January 26th. January is getting close to over, and spring is on the way. Along with spring comes growth and better times. I was watching GMA this morning and the Illinois Governor Rob whoever he is was on talking to Dianne Sawyer concerning his guilt. Even Jon Stewart's book "America The Book", tells you that there is no useful political purpose in speaking to Dianne Sawyer. It did not help Scott Peterson, why would it help him. De does have a point in the innocent until proven guilty plea, and he maintains that they took all of his words out of context, but I have a feeling he is most likely not all clean either. "I cant discuss the details of the case, more jobs, expand healthcare, I wanted Oprah, Blah, Blah, Blah...."
Some of Ellen's friends have found the blog. Welcome! I am sorry if TMI offends anyone, but to some people who are going through the most serious surgery of their lives, this information is quite valuable. Milestones are important to what they are going through as are possible complications, and how temporary they might be. It's my blog and as long as I am helping someone, so be it.
I did see a communication this week from a loyal reader having to do with regaining weight. I will answer him just like I did someone in my support group. You have purchased a tool. Use it. It will continue to serve you as long as you do not defeat the parameters that it works under. If you are going to sit around and eat foods that will slip through the pouch and give you high fats and sugars then you gain weight. It is still a lot smaller than your old stomach and if you use that to help portion control of the right foods, you can regain control. There are poor economic times, and you can easily get depressed. Don't let that influence your eating. Think of your body as a machine. You do not put more gas in your car when you are depressed, so don't feed your body more. Doctors everywhere will tell you there is a reason they keep things clinical. You can't get emotionally involved in every case of you will go nuts. Don't get emotionally involved with feeding your body machine. Give it the recommended fuel and be done with it. Keep in mind I am only 3 months out, I may change my tune in a year or so.
Clocks and Scales and puppy dog tails...
It is Tuesday January 27th, 2008 and I have broken the 320 Barrier! This morning I am 318 according to my digital scale. Beginning with 403 at the start of this process (Not me heaviest) that make my current loss at 85 pounds since November third. That is:
From and including:
Monday, November 3, 2008
To, but not including :
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
It is 85 days from the start date to the end date, but not including the end date
Or 2 months, 24 days excluding the end date
Alternative time units
85 days can be converted to one of these units:
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7,344,000 seconds
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122,400 minutes
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2040 hours
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12 weeks (rounded down)
So 85 pounds in 85 days. Not too shabby Huh? I just wish I could be happier and I am not. but I think that in it self is a revelation. Not everything revolves around weight. Sure one can become depressed about one's weight, but there are many other factors to consider. Economics, Love life, Standing in society, Sense of community, Completion. A lot of these are works in progress. I am well on my way about taking care of the weight, but there are other things I am working on. For instance Somebody asked me yesterday why I am still going to school? I have a good job, so why spend the money? This is something quite personal. I promised my mother years ago that I would see this through, and I am going to keep that promise. Plus I am learning useful things for my career as it is, so this is something I have to complete, and I am not going to be able to cross that off my list if I do not do so. There is one of the completion items I am working on. The next who knows? But I will either get them addressed or they will self address. Time will tell. In the mean time at least I am getting thinner.
I love my dogs. As much as I might be made to feel at work that I don't know what I am talking about, they always look at me like everything that comes out of my mouth is the most intelligent thing they have ever heard. I have to weigh this with gauging my intelligence with an animal that licks his and other dogs butts, but I am willing to accept their judgment that I am a genius. Sometimes you just really need someone to give you unconditional love, adoration, and reassurance. I have 4 dogs that do just that each and every day. Now if I could just convince them to knock off all of their poor habits.
The Looking Glass Self...
The looking glass self is a sociological concept that a person's self grows out of society's interpersonal interactions and the perceptions of others. Cooley clarified it in writing that society is an interweaving and interworking of mental selves. The term "looking glass self" was first used by Charles Horton Cooley in his work, Human Nature and the Social Order in 1902. It has three major components and is unique to humans. According to Lisa McIntyre’s The Practical Skeptic: Core Concepts in Sociology, in the looking-glass self a person views himself or herself through others' perceptions in society and in turn gains identity. Identity, or self, is the result of the concept in which we learn to see ourselves as others do The looking-glass self begins at an early age and continues throughout the entirety of a person’s life as one will never stop modifying their self unless all social interactions are ceased. Some sociologists believe that the concept wanes over time because only a few studies have been conducted with a large number of subjects in natural settings.
There
are three main components of the looking-glass self
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We imagine how we must appear to others.
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We imagine the judgment of that appearance.
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We develop our self through the judgments of others.
I read in my online support group an email about a young lady that sometimes fees like the fat girl in the room because she can still grab the skin on her belly, and other times she feels like the prettiest girl in the room, and after this surgery I understand that completely. People all the time now tell me how attractive I am. I mean seriously I got hit on the other day at Red Robin where I went with my friend Ray after a Lodge meeting. This never happened before where a waitress slipped me her number, with the check. I gave it back explaining my marital status, but I usually dismiss any compliments at all because I feel they are doing this for any one or more reasons.
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They are just being nice.
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They are just being supportive or trying to encourage me.
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They are comparing me to the fat man I used to look like.
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They feel sorry for me in some way.
In this case it is not so much the looking glass self as they see us, but how we decide they are seeing us. I am sure when I am thinking clinically that all these people are being honest in their compliments and observations, so why do I see them as I do?. We look at ourselves differently after surgery, and to a large degree who we see in the mirror makes a huge difference. in the success or failure of the overall process. Are we going to regain the weight? We have all dieted and lost before without keeping it off, or we would not be involved in this process to begin with. Yes you have a portion tool to keep and use and as long as you stay low carb. you can keep it off but the ability to do so is in the mind, not in the body and who you see yourself as makes a big difference. Do I see myself as a fat man, or a thin one? I have a feeling that has a lot to do with who I will become when this is all said and done. The whole theory behind the looking glass self is the dependency of seeing yourself as others see you. The big question here is why are we treating them as qualified to decide our health and future?
"As the father of your country, I will
revolt against the British if Congress
builds a park in Pigs-Knuckle Arkansas."
George Says......
It is Thursday January 29th and January is wrapping up fast. We are one week of experiencing Ellen as a Fanilow. I am still sweating the seating, but I guess as they say, I am ready to take a chance again...
Well the economy is still dropping like my weight loss and the stimulus bill passed the house with no Republicans voting for it and 10 democrats against it and it still passed. I am not so concerned about that as I am about two things. The checks and balances are gone. That is a concern, and the bill seems to be loaded with stuff that has seemingly no effect on the economy itself. Ok, some of this stuff is most likely important, but this back loading of bills is wrong, plain and simple and needs to be stopped. Speaking as one of the taxpaying American public, I am getting sick of this. We need to have bills with only one subject each and that is it. This crap of "I will vote to save the economy if you put a playground in Pigs Knuckle Arkansas" is just nuts. Make it two separate bills. If a subject can't stand on it's own merits then it doesn't belong in congress. I know that is not what our forefathers were thinking. Imagine George Washington saying I will vote for revolution from the British, if a coffee house is installed in the new congressional building in Philadelphia." There is no way that would happen, and it should not happen now.
Ellen is nauseous all the time it seems. When she wakes up, when she eats, after she eats, when she drinks, she is just always not feeling well. I am trying to help out around the house as much as see opportunity, like last night after dinner I did the dishes. I was going to empty and reload the dishwasher so she would not have to bend, but it was not finished yet. It was still wet and drying, so I did them by hand. She did all of the cooking for dinner and when I got home from work I drove with her to Mr. Zs to pick up the rest of dinner as she had taken out a steak. (She stayed home from work yesterday because of the ice storm) I watched TV while she cooked because if she is not feeling well and I try to work with her she gets kind of angry and whatever I do wrong. So I stay away until she is doing something else and swoop in like with last nights dishes. I hope she feels better soon, as I can't do anything to help her feel better. I would do it if I could. I would do anything to try to make her feel better. One of the problems is we are really different people. We always have been, What makes me feel better doesn't work for her and vice versa. So in that case one's instincts are all off kilter.
As long as I am bitching, my shoulder hurts, and nobody seems to care. I guess that's fine, Ellen rubbed it for a little while last night. It still hurts, and I feel like being a baby about it.
I hope all of your dreams come true today, I am working on mine.
Life is like a box of.....
Ever have one of those days where anything can and will go wrong? That was yesterday. I am tired. I am tired of the weather, finances, economy, car problems, weight loss, being expected to be a salesman when I was not hired to be one, and never promised to be one, and in fact stated in the interview that I really do not want anything to do with sales, everything in life has to give me an argument and really, et'al. I have just had it, and really just can't deal with it any more. Perhaps Monday will be better. See you then. In the mean time I guess I will "Get off my fat ass" and go sell. I really can't afford to loose this job right now.